Because You Loved to Hate Them So Much the First Time

April 05, 2022 Post a Comment

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When someone you beloved hurts you very badly, it tin can be hard to go over information technology. It may feel like the best thing to practice is plow your love into hate, only actually that will only brand things harder for you, every bit hate isn't the contrary of love — they're both stiff emotions that have upwardly a lot of your energy. If you want to cease feeling the pain of losing someone y'all dearest (whether it be through a breakup, fight, death or something else), the best thing yous can do is deal with your emotions and work on moving forward in life.^[1]

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Delete the person'due south contact info. If this person will no longer be part of your life, y'all should delete their contact information.^[2] This might help prevent you from calling, texting or emailing them.
- Yous might remember their phone number or their email address, just removing them from your phone, computer, tablet, accost book etc. can make it at least a little scrap more difficult for you to rapidly contact them.^[iii]
- For example, if you delete your ex's contact information from your phone, information technology'll exist less tempting to just tap their name and transport a text or give them a call — at the very least, it'll make you think before you exercise so.
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Block their telephone number. If the person all the same calls or texts you, if you take a smart telephone you tin can download an app that blocks their calls and texts so that you don't receive notifications.
- Doing this is specially useful if you're working hard to go along your mind off of them, every bit every time they phone call/text you'll be reminded of them, and you may exist tempted to reply.
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Filter their email. If they often contact you via email, accept their messages immediately directed into a dissever folder instead of your inbox. You tin do this by creating an electronic mail filter — directions on how to practice this volition differ depending on the provider.
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Block the person on social media. ^[4] If you're struggling to get over someone, having them on your Facebook, Twitter etc. is a terrible idea. Instead of just deleting them, block them; this way, you won't see anything that they post, and vice versa.
- It may be tempting to meet what the person is upwardly to on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or another social media site. Avert the urge to bank check up on them, every bit this will just arrive more hard to get over them and move on with your own life.
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Erase past communications. Delete old texts and other communications such as emails, FB messages, WhatsApp chats etc. You have amend things to do with your time than pour over those quondam messages and experience upset.^[5]
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Recall carefully before erasing photographs. Before getting rid of photos, think most whether they depict a function of your life that yous actually want to forget forever.
- Equally fourth dimension goes on, yous might look dorsum on the relationship or at least the time period in your life fondly.
- If there's a hazard you lot'll regret getting rid of the photos, consider putting them in a box or on a flash drive, so giving them to a friend for safe-keeping until you're feeling well enough to look at them again.^[six]
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Place concrete items in a box. Go effectually your room or house and remove anything that reminds you lot of the person. You may want to put those things in a box until y'all feel set to deal with them.
- You lot may desire to donate or fifty-fifty burn those things at some signal, simply for now, but stow them away and so that they're not abiding reminders of your loss.
- If y'all do decide to burn things, ensure that you do and so in a safe area where having a fire is legal — for example, an outdoor fire pit, not your bedroom floor.

1
Know that yous have control over your feelings. Studies have shown that we accept a meliorate hazard of regulating our feelings when we view them scientifically, as controllable (admitting perchance unexpected) points of data in the experiment of life.^[7]
- If you lot received unexpected results in an experiment, you'd examine the experiment, come across where it deviated, and expect at the results in light of the deviation. Yous'd then come up up with a plan for your adjacent steps. Information technology may feel sociopathic, only it really tin help to approach your broken heart in this fashion.
- It may non feel as though you have command over your feelings right now, but with some persistence, you tin train your brain to respond in a controlled manner — for example, to view things calmly and objectively instead of taking them personally.
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Take your feelings. Losing someone you love can throw you through a tornado of emotions: shock, numbness, disbelief, acrimony, sadness, fear — even relief and happiness.^[viii] You lot might even feel some of these at the aforementioned time.
- Instead of fighting your feelings, try to accept them and allow them to just exist. It can help to take a step back and try to observe your emotions, detach yourself from them. Remind yourself that what yous're feeling is totally natural.
- You might say to yourself, "I'm grieving the loss of this human relationship, and these are the feelings involved with that."^[nine]
- Recollect—as much as it hurts, leaving a relationship is sometimes necessary for personal growth.^[10]
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Tape your feelings. You tin do this by writing them downwards or even recording yourself speaking about them. The important thing is not to keep your feelings bottled up inside, equally this tin can brand it more difficult to motion on.
- Some experts recommend journaling every day. This can help you get in touch on with your feelings and even figure out how to go over them.
- If you lot're out and you lot feel the need to vent, use a notepad or a note-taking app on your phone to jot down what yous're feeling.
- Recording your feelings can be peculiarly useful when you want to communicate with the person you miss or are upset with. Instead of contacting them, write them a letter or tape yourself saying what you'd similar to say to them. Practise not transport them the message though. This is just to aid you. Yous might even observe it useful to destroy the letter/recording once it's done.
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Don't beat yourself up. It takes 2 people to start a relationship, and 2 people to end it. This ways you did not have complete control over the relationship, as you tin only control yourself.
- Don't play the relationship over and over once again in your caput. Don't dwell on what could have been done differently; it's over now, and in whatever example it may have had little to do with you -- for instance, you lot might take just wanted different things in life.^[eleven]
- Instead of asking yourself "why me" or telling yourself "I'm worthless", think about what you would accept changed most how you lot behaved, and use that to grow and move on.
- Rather than chirapsia yourself up, work on taking intendance of yourself. You can start past feeling proud of yourself for having the maturity to want to grow from this experience.
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Remember the bad things. When a relationship ends, many of us fixate on the good things and torture ourselves thinking about what we're missing out on. By reminding yourself of the bad things in your relationship, you can start to see the breakup as a positive thing.
- In addition to the things yous didn't like nearly them and the relationship, think nigh whether the person brought out things in you that y'all didn't like — for example, "When I was with you lot, I was flakey to my friends and ever ditched them for yous. I also didn't pursue my own hobbies whatsoever more, and felt like I was just becoming a version of y'all."
- It can be helpful to make a list of all the bad things in the relationship; only make sure that you keep it in a rubber space or destroy it. Don't testify information technology to anyone else — particularly non the person you're trying to go over. It'll only crusade drama and make it harder for you to move on.
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Don't detest the person. When someone does something hurtful to someone else, information technology often comes from a place of injure within that person. That's why it's important to see them with pity.^[12]
- Instead of feeling hateful and angry toward them, try to feel deplorable for them. They might be dealing with something on a conscious or even unconscious level that you lot know nothing well-nigh.
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Talk about your feelings with people you trust. Studies have shown that people recover faster from trauma if they tin talk almost it.^[xiii] Whether it's your friends and family, or people you're close with online, reach out to people who yous know will take your feelings seriously and aid console you.
- Don't talk to people who will exist dismissive of your feelings, equally they will merely make you feel worse.
- If yous're really struggling with your feelings, you might even consider seeing a advisor.^[fourteen] A good counselor will be able to give you practical advice for moving on.
- While it's good for you to talk nigh your feelings, you demand to make sure that information technology's non all you talk about, otherwise you lot'll chance alienating the people closest to you. If you're worried yous may be talking about it too much, enquire the person you're talking to how they're feeling. A good friend will let you know what's up without getting upset at you.
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Don't dwell. Studies accept shown that while information technology is necessary to permit your feelings out, if yous dwell excessively on them, you may suffer the same negative consequences as you lot would if you lot kept your feelings bottled upward.^[15]
- Studies have shown that focusing on yourself and not taking action to get out of your own head and lift your mood can state you in long-term low.^[16]
- If you tin can't stop dwelling on what happened, consider having a conversation with the person so you tin get closure.^[17]
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Exist patient with yourself. Healing from an ended human relationship takes time; don't expect yourself to get over information technology right abroad. Yous may never fully stop loving this person, but with fourth dimension, the love will fade.
- It's likely that one day you'll look back and be able to smile at how intensely you thought y'all loved this person, when all they are to yous now is a memory of a very different time in your life.
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Stay positive. As you effort to get over this person, you'll have expert days and bad ones. Being positive doesn't hateful ignoring your bad days; it means believing that the good ones will come up once again.
- Some days yous might fifty-fifty find it hard to go out of bed. That's okay. Have a positive attitude toward it. Information technology tin can be helpful to fifty-fifty let yourself have a whole day in bed just reading or watching movies, or listening to deplorable music and crying your eyes out. Tell yourself, "Okay, I'll take this day to acknowledge my sadness, but tomorrow I'll go for a run. I know I'g strong enough to become through this."

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View your relationship as an experiment. Examine the information of your failed relationship. Where did information technology go wrong? Studies evidence that viewing your human relationship scientifically can help yous regain a ameliorate sense of self and heal more quickly afterwards a breakup.^[xviii]
- Try to take a step back and consider what the contributing factors might have been that could have caused the breakdown. Only remember not to spend also much time on it — you are trying to larn a lesson and grow from it, non crush yourself up over where you went wrong.
- This doesn't necessarily mean thinking well-nigh where you lot went wrong. It might even be something simple similar "Nosotros are actually very different people with different goals."
- You tin take fun with this past spending a few hours on it and really treating it like an experiment, with charts and graphs.
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Learn a lesson. It'due south easier to accept our mistakes in life when nosotros view them as opportunities to learn. Regarding the finish of your relationship as an opportunity to larn might help you view information technology in a more positive calorie-free.
- It's mutual after a breakup to feel equally though you've wasted your time. If yous view the human relationship as a learning feel, information technology's not waste of fourth dimension at all. Things that aid yous abound and acquire are not a waste material of time.
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Untangle your concept of self from that other person. When you lose someone who you love, it tin can feel like y'all've lost half of yourself. Information technology will help yous move on to rebuild your sense of who you are, apart from the person you loved and lost.^[19]
- A skillful writing exercise to build your concept of self is to merely label a page "Who am I?" or "What makes me, me?" and so note your responses.
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Don't forbid yourself from thinking well-nigh the person. Studies have shown that forbidding yourself from thinking about something will just make you think most it more.^[20]
- Instead of telling yourself not to retrieve tour the person y'all want to get over, when the thought comes into your mind, gently remind yourself that they're no longer role of your life, and then put your attention back on something that benefits you.^[21]
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Give yourself a set number of minutes each day to retrieve well-nigh the person. When someone nosotros love leaves us, our minds tin go consumed with thoughts near them. Telling yourself not to call back about the person doesn't work, but telling yourself "non now, later" does.
- Whenever a thought about the person comes into your head, push button it away and tell yourself that yous'll render to the idea later when you've reached the time in the twenty-four hours that y'all are allowed to call up about that person.
- When the time comes, you can sit quietly and call up about them all you want. Set a timer to make certain you lot don't go too long. You might try starting with two 10-minute periods a day — one in the morning time and one in the evening.
- Endeavor not to brand the person the last affair you think virtually every dark. If possible, read an engaging book or practise yoga before bed; thoughts of the person might withal come into your mind, just you tin tell them to go away until the next time you've set to think nigh them.
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Visualize yourself letting go. Sit somewhere comfortable and try to visualize a box in front of you. Put all of your memories into that box then close the lid.
- Hold the imaginary box in your hands and and then accident it away. When the thoughts come up dorsum into your head later, tell yourself "No, those are gone now" and effort to quickly think of something else.
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Alive in the moment. Each day, attempt to focus on the moment in which you're living. To dwell on the past or future might merely brand you long to exist elsewhere in time. This isn't useful, every bit the only time yous have is correct now.
- It's still important to accept goals and work towards them, simply you do not need to think about these goals all the fourth dimension. If you exercise, yous might be so focused on the time to come that yous forget to do the things that must be done in the present in lodge to reach your goals!
- Yous don't want to look back on your life a year from now and realize that yous've wasted the past twelvemonth being depressed and doing nothing because of how sad you were about the loss of that relationship.
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Smile. Studies take shown that the simple act of grinning, even if yous're feeling unhappy, can help you feel happier. Try it now — just permit the corners of your mouth turn up, and hold it there for at least thirty seconds.
- At the very least, you lot might become a small kick out of how insane y'all look, staring at your computer and smiling falsely in an attempt to bring on a real i.
- If you're really struggling to practise this, try watching some stand-upwardly one-act or something else that will bring a grin to your face, no matter how small it is.

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Get in your own way. Do things that will prevent you from giving in to the temptation to contact the person you're trying to get over. This means making plans on nights when yous know you'll miss them most, and staying busy.
- If you know that you lot'll feel lonely on Friday night and want to call them, make plans for Friday night. Exercise this even if you're depressed and don't want to exercise annihilation. Make plans and try to alive in the moment while y'all're out with others.
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Have fun with other people and by yourself. Socialize and take upwardly new hobbies or revisit old ones. The central is to have fun without the person you loved, because as impossible as it may seem, you lot are capable of doing so.
- You must practise things to lift your mood, otherwise you'll only dwell on your situation and go depressed.^[22]
- Examples of hobbies: music, art, sports, dance, movies, video games, reading, cooking, attending plays or local festivals, checking out museums etc.
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Go a new habit. Experts say that the best way to boot an erstwhile habit is to adopt a new one. Start a new hobby or rediscover your love for an erstwhile i.^[23]
- When you lot brainstorm to feel sorry and like something's missing, direct your energy toward your new addiction instead of thinking about your lost love.^[24]
- Note that this does not mean you should start seeing someone new or otherwise try to replace the person you loved with a new person. That would be an unhealthy thing to practice.
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Figure out who you are. Information technology can be hard to motion on from a relationship when you feel similar part of yous is missing. Rebuild your concept of who y'all are without that person.
- A good style to do this is to spend some time alone and explore your hobbies, feelings etc. This might non be possible for the first few weeks or months. You'll know y'all're ready when y'all're non thinking of that person every single waking 2nd of the day.
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Take care of yourself. When you're dealing with grief it'south more important than ever to take good care of yourself, both mentally and physically. Do things that brand you lot feel good on the inside and exterior.
- Swallow well, beverage plenty of water, get enough slumber and practise, meditate — you might even buy yourself a new outfit or go a dainty haircut.
- Experts say that stress is the primary trigger for indulging in addictions, and this includes exes. If yous're feeling overwhelmed, tired or otherwise stressed out, yous'll have more difficulty resisting the temptation to connect with the person you lot're trying to go over.^[25]
- Studies show that nurturing the parts of yourself that you neglected during a relationship can help you move on.^[26]
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Avert unhealthy coping mechanisms. Think near what unhealthy behaviours you plow to when y'all're feeling upset or stressed, and endeavour to avoid these. Common unhealthy coping behaviours include the following:
- Drinking, using drugs, eating too much or as well little, isolating yourself from loved ones, engaging in ambitious or violent behaviour, spending also much time on the Net, or pretty much whatever other excessive behaviour (gaming, shopping, watching pornography, exercising etc.).
- For example, if you lot know that you tend to binge eat, counter this by going for a walk or a run, or doing something with your hands such equally drawing or crafts.
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Don't try to go revenge. It's common to desire justice when y'all feel you've been wronged; however, studies have shown that far from making people feel better, revenge actually increases stress and impairs health.^[27]
- Some studies take shown that taking revenge can actually force you lot to play the state of affairs over and over again in your head, whereas not getting revenge helps make the state of affairs seem less significant, making it easier to forget.^[28]
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Know your worth. You are non a worthless person. That person you loved did not throw you away; things only didn't work out. It'south not being conceited to know that you're a worthy person (that is, every bit long as yous don't think you're more worthy than others).
- If yous struggle to see your worth, sit down and write a list of things you like almost yourself. It might only exist one thing the first twenty-four hours, and fifty-fifty that might exist a struggle, but if you do it every day, maybe within a week you lot'll be able to come upwards with v good things about yourself — maybe afterward a few months yous'll exist able to fill a page.

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Know that you're in control of your life. You are responsible for your ain happiness and your own life choices. No i else is. If you don't do things to lift your mood and modify your life, y'all will stay sad and could fifty-fifty enter a depression.
- If you've been injure by someone, don't permit them hurt you any more than they already have by sinking into a depression that may stall your life.^[29]
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Set goals. Having meaningful goals to work toward will requite you a compelling reason to stop dwelling house on the person you lost and start working to make your life better.
- For instance, if you're about to go from loftier school to college, challenge yourself to get the all-time marks possible and to go into a college program that yous will love.
- If you lot're unsure of what yous want to do next in life, take time to explore your options. If you're in school, see a career counsellor. If you're non, try asking some close friends and family about your strengths, and what they think you'd be good at.
3
Know that yous'll meet someone else. It may not experience like it right now, merely you'll meet someone else who works fifty-fifty better with you. When y'all meet them, you'll exist grateful that things didn't work out with the person yous're trying to get over correct now.
- The more than yous grow, the more y'all know what works, and this will help yous find someone who better suits you.
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Know when y'all're ready to starting time a new relationship. At that place is no set time for how long it takes to get over someone. It varies by person and human relationship — some people may merely need a couple of months, while others will need years.^[30]
- If you're still thinking about your ex regularly, y'all will non be able to devote the necessary attention to a salubrious new relationship.^[31]
- It's important to feel confident in yourself earlier starting a new human relationship. If you're scared to exist alone, this is not the time to start something new.^[32]

Add New Question

Question

How do I forget an ex?

Try to get rid of whatsoever material things that remind you lot of him. Stay positive, throw yourself into your work or studies, be successful. "Living well is the best revenge."
Question

My ex hates me, how do I bargain with that?

Just forget about him, if he hates you it's his trouble. Distract yourself by living your life, hanging out with your friends, and working or studying hard. They say the best revenge is to alive a proficient life, so focus on yourself and what makes y'all happy.
Question

How can I forget both my ex and my best friend when they got together?

I am lamentable that happened to y'all. I bet it hurt a lot. That being said, the best thing you tin do is try to forgive them and keep yourself busy. It's easy to sit dwelling house and hate everything, and much harder to throw yourself into productive activities like an practise class, a hobby, a club, etc., but you will discover yourself much happier downwardly the route. Try to be kind to yourself and those that injure y'all.
Question

What if yous have no way of getting abroad from the person since yous work most him/her?

Only treat the person as a friend - like nothing happened. Make him/her feel you're ignoring him/her. Make new friends and mingle with them. When you await at that person, try your level best to distract yourself by remembering something else that gives you pleasance.
Question

My ex ditched me, maxim that I am possessive, and at present he acts similar I am nothing to him - what should I do?

Move away from any toxic relationship. It'south his loss. There are then many other men that would see the practiced in you!
Question

Why practise people lose interest in a relationship and accept me for granted, disrespect me, and don't value me? What do I need to do?

Be more than careful about who you go into a relationship with. It's best to get to know someone well and brand sure you're compatible with each other before you lot commit to annihilation. Focusing on friendships rather than romantic relationships for a while might be helpful. If someone is a expert friend to you, they'll likely exist a good romantic partner likewise (if you 2 are interested in each other in that manner).
Question

How do I forget someone that doesn't love me back?

You demand to effort to call up about something else, and don't let your heed wander dorsum to them. Find something else to distract you.
Question

I'grand scared of him leaving me, so I desire to be the ane to go out instead, but I have no interests or friends that I really care about, how tin I find something that can distract me?

You have 2 problems here, and they're both really difficult. You lot shouldn't leave someone just because you're afraid of getting injure. If you do this, it volition go a pattern and you'll never exist happy with anyone. Work on your confidence, because this is a self-esteem issue. Secondly, yous need to put yourself out in that location and meet some people/gain some friends and also set some goals for yourself (through school, piece of work, etc.) so that you take something going on in your life besides this relationship. The plus side is, when y'all find yourself meeting your goals, your self-esteem will amend. I'd too encourage you to talk to a mental health professional well-nigh these problems to try to get to the root of the problem.
Question

She bankrupt off our relationship without any reason, and I still love her. What should I exercise?

Yous can attempt to talk to her to found out why she broke up with you to go closure. Try to motility on and find someone else, there are other girls in this globe. Discover a girl to talk to, but remember you don't need to make a human relationship right then and in that location, merely let things happen naturally. If your ex bankrupt up with you because she loves someone else, too bad for her it's her loss.
Question

What can I do to go over a old beloved?

Focus on improving yourself, getting into a new hobby, improving your health, or increasing your knowledge of the world or a new topic. Even though information technology may seem difficult now, you lot'll look dorsum and exist proud that you took steps to improve your well-being instead of focusing only on what could take been. Movement forrad, because we tin can't change the past, but nosotros can determine our futures.

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If you're really struggling to find strength, try aligning yourself with a function model — for example, a celebrity you admire who overcame personal struggles, or even a graphic symbol in a book or film whose forcefulness you admire.^[33]
Avert the temptation to endeavour to replace your erstwhile relationship with a new 1 right away. It'south important to requite yourself time to feel your emotions, think almost them, acquire from them, and even grieve the loss of your relationship. It's besides not off-white to the new person if you're still hung upward on someone else.
Reading can exist a great escape from reality, and might even teach you things or inspire you to write your own stories. Becoming part of someone else's story — their hopes and sorrows — tin assist you escape your own issues, and might even shed light on them.
Travelling is a great way to get over the person you used to love. The altitude can make you experience more costless, and although it tin can be solitary, you'll get through it and feel more confident in yourself for having done something in a new place all on your own.

If y'all feel like life isn't worth living or you feel that if y'all can't have that person, no one tin, you demand to seek medical attention. It is devastating to lose someone yous love, but people are able to movement on and abound from fifty-fifty the hardest experiences. Don't end your life or anyone else's.
If you believe that you lot may be depressed, consider seeing a doctor or a counsellor. Being sad is normal, only weeks or months of being unable to get out of bed is non healthy, and you should seek aid.

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Article Summary X

While it may be tempting to hate someone you lot've loved if they've hurt you lot, you'll feel a lot meliorate if you only leave them in the past and motion on with your life. Delete your ex'south contact details from your phone or computer to remove any temptation to contact them. If they proceed trying to reach you, block their phone number and social media accounts. Remove physical items from your habitation linked to your relationship by putting them in a box or throwing them out, since constant reminders of your fourth dimension together won't let you to move on. You should also find a shut friend or relative to talk to about your emotions, which will aid you realize that feeling strongly is perfectly normal. Alternatively, write downwardly how you feel in a journal, since you won't exist able to move on until yous've expressed how y'all feel. For tips on how to view your relationship in a more positive mode, read on!

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